Broken Heroes and Fallen Angels
by Jaelijn
Summary: After leaving, Castiel hitches a ride, and muses on emotions and songs. Warning: Slight spoilers for 9x03 and 9x06.


**Characters / Pairings: **Castiel (implied Destiel)  
**Spoilers: **9x03 and slightly 9x06  
**Warnings: **Can probably be read as Gen, but - especially together with the song (see below) - Destiel is implied.  
**Disclaimer: **Supernatural et al © CW and Erik Kripke. No infringement intended, no money made.

**A/N: **Obligatory tag to 9x03. If you can, listen to the 7 minutes version of "Broken Heroes and Fallen Angels" by Chris Norman, because it's the song that inspired this fic. And with a title like that, how couldn't it…Enjoy! :)

…~oOo~…

Cas understood why he had to leave. Many angels were holding him responsible for what had happened, and even with their diminished powers, they were still dangerous, and his presence was drawing them in. Cast understood all that, and he knew that Dean was trying to keep Sam safe. Castiel hadn't hesitated to leave Dean in Purgatory for the same reason – to keep the person he cared about safe.

Still, it seemed different from a human perspective. After everything that had happened, he'd been so glad to be with the people he trusted and liked, where he felt safe and didn't have to be hungry or cold or wet. To be told to leave had been… painful, and Cas had been afraid.

Dean hadn't been very reassuring. He'd given him his spare change and told him he'd 'manage'. Castiel, however, was still an angel on some level, and he had never been without direction. There had always been some cause to follow before, even when it had just been trying to reach the Bunker alive. Which hadn't quite worked. The freedom of choice to go where he wanted had been amazing, but having nowhere to go was far from it.

Castiel walked. He hoped to acquire a transport somehow, but even though he was aware of hitchhiking as a concept, he didn't know how to go about it. There were no busses in the immediate vicinity, and Cas wanted to avoid spending what little money he had. He missed his wings.

In the end, he met a young man at a diner who offered him a ride when Cas informed him that he didn't know where he was going. The young man, Jim, told him he looked lost – and maybe he was.

Jim reminded Castiel a little of Sam. He wore his hair in a ponytail and wasn't as quite as tall, but he was cheerful and honest. He drove a small car Cas would have found too confining before but that now felt… warm, and safe. There was a little figure of an angel dangling from the rearview mirror, which Cas found comforting. It was a sign of faith.

He'd met with much kindness since he had lost his Grace, and he found it astonishing. The human existence was so painful, short and confusing, and yet humans were capable of so much love and faith. Cas had not been expecting it, but now he found it disheartening when it was missing.

"Just holler if you want to get out, okay?" Jim said, breaking the silence.

Cas nodded. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it, man. I'm gonna switch on the radio, yeah?"

Cas had to confess he found much of human music very strange, but he had begun to see the appeal. The lyrics told him much about human emotion even though he failed to grasp some of the content, such as why anyone would require a highway to Hell.

The next tune began with soft, sad chords, and flutes. Some of the melody and text resonated within Cas as he watched the road lights flickered past the window. By the time the singer lamented 'Broken Heroes and Fallen Angels' in the chorus, Castiel knew that what he was feeling was loneliness.

"Isn't it odd that so many songs about love are really about sorrow?" he questioned in a low voice. It was something he would ordinarily have asked Dean, but that wasn't an available option.

Jim didn't seem to find the question strange. His expression was soft and pensive, his fingers tapping slightly against the steering wheel in time with the music. "It's all about the great emotions, I guess. You know, joy and sorrow, love and heartbreak."

"I understand. It is… painful." It was, but Castiel found it difficult to put this complex new sensation into adequate words. 'Loneliness' seemed too simple to contain the ache, the insecurity, the rejection and the lack of direction. First, he had had his father, his brothers and sisters, then Dean – and Sam, and Bobby, of course. Now, there was no one but him.

"Well, you know. Better to have loved and to have lost."

"Better?"

"Yeah, than not to have loved at all."

That wasn't something Castiel understood. How could it be better to feel pain?

Jim glanced at him when he remained silent. "I'm sorry. Have you lost someone recently?"

"I cannot be with him at the moment."

"That sucks. Call him?"

Cas had thought about that, but decided against it. Dean was already worried about Sam, and he had believed Castiel could 'manage', live a human life, be happy. Cas didn't want to tell him he was wrong.

Jim stopped for gas in Rexford, Idaho, and Cas said his goodbyes there. Humans were extraordinary – strong, despite all the confusion and pain. Maybe there was a dignity in doing what they did. Maybe this was what Dean had meant. What he would have wanted.

…~oOo~…


End file.
